How it began
This past weekend was Fall Break for Drake University.
My roommate and I had decided to stay on campus for the break as it was only 2 extra days off and, in our opinions, not worth the trips back home.
Because we were staying at school my roommate, Erin, agreed to take care of our friend’s ferret.
We thought it’d be a breeze.
The ferret only need to be taken out of its cage for 30 minutes a day and it’d sleep the rest of the time. Easy.
We were wrong.
To start, we had been under the impression that the ferret would stay in our friend’s room and we would just go to the room and let it out a couple times.
In reality, the ferret had to be in our room for the whole weekend because it couldn’t be left alone in a room for the weekend.
So, at 10 a.m. on the second day of fall break, a giant cage was wheeled into our shared dorm and placed in our room.
The owner left, ensuring us that the ferret was a very good boy and suddenly we were in charge of another creature’s life.
The first half a day when by perfectly.
We stayed in the living room while the ferret slept in our bedroom. Nothing could possibly go wrong.
However, we were living in a world of false confidence.
As 8:30 approached, we prepared for our first adventure letting the ferret out of the cage.
We blocked off the doorway to the living room with my dresser and unlocked the cage.
The ferret began to explore our living space.
He seemed to be having a good time. Weaving through all our furniture and wiggling into every nook and cranny.
But then, he backed himself into one of the corners of the room and started contracting.
We didn’t know what was happening until it happened.
And happen it did.
He stopped contracting, looked us dead in the eyes, and ran off.
And that’s when we saw it.
The lump of brown this long creature had left in his wake.
He had pooped on our floor.
We both sat in aghast silence.
We didn’t know what to do.
I, having never owned any pet larger than a goldfish, especially didn’t know what to do.
The silence lasted forever with both of us just staring at this large brown present.
Eventually we came to our senses and began to clean the mess up.
Round one went to the ferret. But the war was not over.
On the second day, we were hopeful.
After all, what could be worse than a ferret pooping on your floor.
But as 8:30 once again came round. We would soon find out.
After ensuring the doorway was once again blocked off, we let the ferret out.
He wasted absolutely no time.
After stretching a bit, he made one lap around the room, and immediately pooped right under my bed.
After that we sent him to time out and once again, cleaned the floor.
What’s worse than a ferret pooping on your floor one time?
A ferret pooping on your floor two times.
Round two also went to the ferret.
The last day had finally come.
We counted down the hours until we were finally free.
The ferret was picked up and we were safe from his tyranny.
But the fight was not over.
The ferret had left us a parting present. Not in the form of feces, but in the form of a smell.
Ferrets have a natural musk which, in its time in our dorm, had permeated throughout the rooms.
We were forced to open all windows in sub 50 degree weather in an attempt to air out the room and get rid of the musk.
With that powerplay, the ferret had won round three and had well and truly won the war.